Organizing My Thoughts

Anyone who knows me knows that music is a pretty important part of my life. In addition to 8 guitars, 1 piano, a couple of wooden flutes, a hog-nosed psaltry, tibetan bells (okay, actually those belong to Chris - I bought them for him last year as a birthday gift) and several other instruments used in the making of music, I also have about 40 gbs of music. I think.

Actually, I have roughly 6 "music" folders scattered between computers and each of those folders averages 22 gbs.

For some reason they are not all the same. So at no time do I have all of my music in one spot. I need to organize my music, be able to catalog every tune and find a way to efficiently load up my iPod.

My iPod Touch to be specific since I still also have my classic iPod. I gave my sister my Zen, which had a bunch of music that I really hope she likes. And there is my phone AND my blackberry, both of which also play tunes.

Technology was supposed to make this all easier but somehow it's more complicated. Sigh.

So I'm searching for some software that will help me compare everything I have and then keep my MP3's and my AAC's separated so I can load my iPod.

I was searching for this software when I decided to log on to Facebook. There I saw my sister. Which made me think of my other sister. Which made my thoughts get all jumbled up again.

So I'm just going to say it and take whatever comes my way for being "public" about it.

I love her. I love my brother-in-law. I love my nephews. But I cannot figure out what, for the love of God, that I have personally done that my sister (not the one on Facebook) is so peeved at me that she thinks it's okay to hurt my daughter.

Because while I was in Albuquerque with my daughter I got a call from my sister-in-law, a woman whom I love with all my soul, asking if I wanted to have a "girls night" since my younger sister (not the one on Facebook) was in town with her son.

When my daughter found out that her Aunt was in town with her beloved cousin, the cousin who is exactly six months older than her, the cousin she loves with ever fiber of her being, her face crumpled. She said "why didn't you tell me?" and I said "I didn't know she was coming."

You don't travel from across the Ocean on a whim...usually...so the fact that my sister elected not to tell us had to be kinda on purpose. Not that we could have done anything about it, after all we were half way across the country, but it would have been nice to know. Especially since even though I was out of town, my daughter didn't join me for several days after my sister and nephew arrived. I know my ex-husband well enough to know that he would have gladly taken our child for a visit.

My daughter held it together. She finished packing for our trek up to Taos. She spent the weekend learning to snowboard with some friends. We didn't mention it again. We haven't talked about it at all.

But my God my baby girl was hurt. And this is where all of my "good person, caring person, brush it off" skills are brought up short and my thoughts are all jumbled.

Because I don't know what the hell is going on with my sister OR what I have apparently done to her. But I do know this...I'm pretty mad. I was mad two weeks ago and pushed it down to some place where I didn't think about it but the minute I was reminded again tonight I just got mad again. Thoughts all jumbled up mad and I'm digging around for that voice of reason I'm kinda known for - the voice that brings people through my door for advice or just to talk through things - and I just cannot find it.

So I'm going to go back to organizing my music and trying not to remember the crumpled look on my daughter's face when she discovered that her beloved Aunt didn't care enough to let us know she was coming into town with the cousin my daugther adores.

NL